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2005-03-25 || 12:01 a.m. a lot of things have been going on with my life, i'm happy for most of them! although, sometimes i wonder... do i deserve all this? i mean, i believe that whatever happens to you in life is because you deserve it. good things, bad things... i believe that they happen for their own reasons. so let's say something bad happens to you, it might be because you did something bad in the past OR you may do something bad in the future and that's why bad things happen to you... i can't help thinking that i don't deserve the good things that's been happening to me. well of course there're bad things too! but still... it's like this,, have you ever felt that when something good happens to you, it's SO good that you're having trouble believing that it's happening? it's TOO good to be true? and when you realise that it's REALLY happening, you get scared. you get scared because you're afraid of losing this good thing. or maybe you're afraid that something bad's gonna happen cos of it. or, i dunno, maybe it's so good that you think you're dreaming... sometimes i feel like i'm just floating in the air that is life. and i'm just passing it. my life is this, i think, dream, work for something i really want. but i know when i get it, it's never really going to be as good as i thought it would be? weird. this is just random thoughts of life in general tho, i'm not implying anything. wow, it's been a long time since i've blogged... i wonder if anyone's still reading this! yeah well, i'm still happy and i try to smile more. even if sometimes it's hard. sometimes, just sometimes, when i'm in the zone, i feel like crying. i think, 'is it really worth it?' and before i know it, tears were already flowing... i want somebody to show me how it feels to be wanted, not because i don't know the feeling but because sometimes, it's nice to feel wanted sniff. :')
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